


(And I Will Try To) Fix You

by JoyceCecilia143



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), grant gustin - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Graphic Description, Other, Self-Harm, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-08-11 18:58:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 14,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7903942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyceCecilia143/pseuds/JoyceCecilia143
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your best friend Grant hasn't been in touch for days, so you are sent out by his brother Tyler to go check on him.<br/>What you find, goes beyond your worst nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever story I'm posting on this forum, so I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> I started writing this right after Comic Con, when people were hating on Grant for no reason. In no way is this how I think he would actually deal with his haters or negativity in general.

You ran out of your apartment as fast as you could. Tyler, Grant’s brother, had just called you with some disturbing news: Grant had been MIA for 3 days, following some very personal attacks on him over Twitter.

“He’s okay, he probably just doesn’t have his phone on him”, you said to yourself, trying to ease your troubled mind. But you knew it was to no avail. You knew Grant always had his phone on him, ever since you had gotten into that car accident and he hadn’t picked up when the hospital called to let him know what had happened.

Millions of possible scenarios were flooding your mind as you got into your car and headed off in the direction of Grant’s apartment, which was about 15 minutes away. “Please be okay”, you said as you wiped away the tears that had started spilling out.

“GET OFF THE ROAD, YOU IDIOT!”, you yelled at the driver in front of you, adding some not so ladylike hand gestures for effect. Finally he got out of the way so you could pass him.

Arriving at Grant’s apartment building, you jumped out of your car and started fumbling for the keys Grant had given you. He had a key to your apartment as well, in case of emergency.

This certainly qualified as an emergency. You stormed up the stairs, almost knocking over one of Grant’s elderly neighbors. “Sorry!”, you yelled without even looking back. You had more important things to do right now.

Opening the lock proved to be harder than normal, what with how your hands were trembling and all. Once you got the door open, you immediately wished you hadn’t. There was blood on the floor, empty bottles of alcohol and even empty bottles of pain medication scattered all over the place. 

“Grant!”, you yelled frantically as you scanned the place for a sign of him. Your worst fear became reality when you saw a pair of long legs stretched out behind the kitchen counter.  
“Oh God!”, you yelled, throwing your stuff on the ground and rushing to Grant’s side. He was lying flat on his stomach, dried blood on his forehead, most likely from hitting his head on the counter when he went down and several nasty gashes on both his arms that were still trickling blood.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the coffee table smashed to bits, blood all over the jagged shards of glass. “Grant”, you said, turning him over on his side with a little effort.  
You stroked his cheek with the back of your hand as you gently shook him, trying to get a response out of him. “Come on, Grant”, you said as you leaned over him, checking his breathing and his pulse.  
Working on auto pilot, you quickly ran to the bathroom and took the first aid kit. Grabbing a towel from the shelf, you hurried back over to Grant. He was still breathing, so that was a good sign.

You could smell the alcohol on him; this wasn’t the Grant you knew and loved. Not even thinking about calling an ambulance, or Grant’s brother, being the child of two surgeons, you went to work in an attempt to fix him up as well as you could, using the skills your parents had taught you.

First, you tended to the cuts on his arms. Stopping the blood was your number 1 priority. You cleaned the wounds as best as you could, trying to establish how bad it was. His left arm wasn’t too bad, the blood loss had probably been amplified by the alcohol and the drugs he had taken, thinning his blood.

You quickly had a bandage around that and moved on to his other arm. There was actually still a piece of glass sticking out of the wound, so you took a pair of tweezers and gently removed it, causing a new stream of blood to flow out of the wound.

Your parents had taught you well enough for you to know that the blood was coming from a vein and not an artery, seeing how it wasn’t coming out in spurts. You cleaned up the wound and put a compress on it, turning your attention back to trying to rouse Grant.

“Grant”, you said, your voice shaky from trying to hold back your tears after finding your best friend, whom you loved more than life itself, lying in a pool of his own blood. “Grant, can you hear me? Open your eyes for me, okay? Let me see those pretty green eyes.” No response. “Okay, that’s it, I’m calling an ambulance”, you said as you felt Grant’s hand move against your leg.

You looked down to see Grant’s eyes had opened ever so slightly. “No. Ambu-” was all he managed to choke out before slipping out of consciousness again. Okay, so he didn’t want an ambulance. “He responded just now, so he’s not comatose.” You started thinking out loud.

“Okay, you win. No ambulance. But if you don’t wake up within the next few hours, I’m calling an ambulance, whether you want it or not.” You finished up cleaning the blood off of Grant’s face and arms.

When you were done, you put him in his bed, where he could rest more comfortably. How you had managed to get an unconscious, six foot one grown ass man off of the kitchen floor and into his bed 2 rooms down, was beyond you, but somehow you had done it anyway.

You looked down at his sleeping form, his face even more pale than usual and dark circles under his eyes that made his face look like you had been too late after all. You shuddered at the thought and noticed how there was dirt and blood all over Grant’s clothes.

Having worked in the hospital where your parents had worked for several years, first as a candy striper, then as an intern and finally as an emergency physician – although that career had turned out to be very brief – you knew just what to do.

You went to the bathroom again and got towels, a washcloth, soap and a tub of water. Sitting next to Grant on the edge of the bed, you said: “Grant, sweetie, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m going to get you cleaned up okay? I’m going to have to take off your clothes – in any other circumstances, you’d be over the moon about that – and then I’m going to clean you up a bit, okay? Get you in some clean clothes. You’ll feel much better when you wake up. And you are waking up, do you understand me? You’re not going to give up. I won’t let you.”

Taking a deep breath, you took a pair of scissors and cut off Grant’s t-shirt. It was one of his favorites; you had gotten it for his birthday a few years back. “I’ll just have to get you another one”, you said as you started pulling the torn fabric from under him.

You couldn’t help but stare at his toned torso, giving you butterflies. As much as you had tried to fight it, you were in love with him. You had been for years. Heck, you’d been in love with him since you met him, even though he was with another girl at the time. 

Shaking your head to bring yourself back to reality, you took the washcloth, soaking it in the water and wringing it out before gently rubbing it all over Grant’s chest and abdomen, cleaning off all the dried up blood that had soaked through his shirt. 

You turned him on his side again, careful not to touch his wounded arms. You did the same thing with his back and then proceeded – with slight difficulty – to put a clean shirt on him.   
“I am so sorry that I have to do this”, you said before taking off his jeans and replacing them with a pair of his beloved sweatpants. When you were satisfied with your work, you pulled the covers over him, tucking him in but leaving his arms over the covers so you would immediately be able to see if the cuts on his arms started bleeding again. 

Sitting with him for a few more minutes, you held his hand and quietly hummed his favorite song – the one that had been playing when you met – to him while your other hand stroked his face and hair.  
Reluctantly, you got up and started cleaning up the apartment. You cleaned up all the trash and glass off of the floor, being extra careful with the shards from the table. You put everything in 3 trashbags, just to make sure the glass wouldn’t break the bag and put it outside on the terrace along with what was left of the coffee table. Seeing it would probably only make Grant feel worse once he woke up, so you made sure to put it out of sight.

Cleaning all the blood took longer than expected, there was no telling how long it had been there already. Remembering Tyler’s phone call, you took your phone out of your pocket and walked back in to Grant’s room to check on him. He was still breathing, sleeping peacefully.

Walking back out of the room, you called Tyler and told him you had found Grant. He was in a frenzy, of course, knowing that his little brother could have died if you hadn’t gone over to check on him per Tyler’s request.

“Hey, Ty, listen to me”, you said, trying to calm Grant’s older brother down. “I should have been there”, he said on the other end of the line, his worry clearly present in his voice. 

“Ty”, you tried again. “Ty, he’s going to be fine. Don’t come over just yet, okay?” You were scared Tyler would think you were keeping him away from his brother, but you thought it would be better if you had a little talk with Grant first.

“Ty, just give him a few days, okay? When he wakes up, he’ll be confused and he’ll have a hard enough time as it is dealing with the aftermath of all this. Let me talk to him first, okay? You know I’m... experienced when it comes to this stuff.”

Tyler had to admit that you were right. After all, you had been bullied your whole life, lost your parents in a car accident which you survived and you had an abusive boyfriend to top it all off. Because of this, you had done some pretty selfdestructive things and ended up in hospital more than once because of it. That was actually the reason why you and Grant had ever met in the first place: he was visiting a friend at the hospital and he had literally knocked you over walking out of the elevator. You were there to go to your final therapy session after – well, you didn’t really like thinking about that you, so you quickly pushed it to the back of your mind.

He had offered to buy you a cup of coffee – which you didn’t really like, but he was cute, so what else were you going to do, say no? – so you two had got to talking and you basically never really stopped.

You had been seeing each other on and off ever since for coffee or lunch and eventually became best friends. Grant knew everything about you, including the reason why you were at the hospital that day.  
He never thought any less of you, though. All he had done after you had told him, was pull you in for one of his signature bear hugs and thanked you for trusting him enough to share this with him.

“Y/N?” Tyler’s voice on the other end of the line brought you out of your train of thought. “Yeah”, you said, pretending nothing was wrong. “I trust you, okay? Just make sure this doesn’t get into the media.” He paused. “And Y/N?” “Yeah?” “Please take care of my little brother for me.”

“Of course”, you said and then you both hung up. You took a deep breath, feeling slightly off balance from all the emotions you had just felt. Suddenly Jett and Nora - Grant’s two adorable little dogs – came running at you, barking their heads off.


	2. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should tell you that I had this story saved to my laptop as a continuing text, so the chapters are just randomly chosen. I just try to end them at a paragraph that makes sense, sometimes to give it a bit of cliffhanger feel :)

Within seconds, you were in Grant’s room, where he had begun to wake up slowly. “Grant”, you said, sitting on the edge of the bed again, leaning over him and supporting your weight on your arm on the other side of him.

While your left hand held up your body, your hand found its way into his hair again, stroking it gently as Grant started to open his eyes slowly. “Hi”, you whispered as his eyes sluggishly focused on you as best as they could. 

“Y/N”, he said, his voice barely a whisper. Suddenly becoming aware of his surroundings, Grant tried to sit up, only to be knocked back down by the stabbing pain in his head, caused by the movement.  
“Oww”, he said as he lifted up his left arm to his forehead. You saw the look of terror in his eyes as he noticed the big white bandages covering both of his underarms. “You really did a number on yourself, sweety”, you said, your voice soft and void of any judgement. 

You got up and helped Grant sit up, holding onto him tightly while you fluffed his pillows and helped him ease back against them. “Thanks”, he said, seeming to have regained some power in his voice.  
For several moments, you sat there quietly, waiting for Grant to fully process what had happened. He quickly made a startling realization, and it had everything to do with you. 

“You-”, he started. “I am so sorry”, he then said, feeling horrible that you of all people had found him the way you did. “Grant, it’s okay”, you said, taking his hand. “It’s okay.”

He wasn’t okay though. You could see the tears starting to form, and his breathing becoming ragged. You knew what was coming next, you had experienced it so many times before: the panic attack.  
You quickly got up and got into bed with Grant, pulling him closely against you, again being careful not to hurt his already beat up arms. He was crying now, fighting for every breath he took. 

“Breathe, okay, baby? Just keep breathing.” You cooed as you were once again stroking his hair and placing soft kisses to his forehead. You had been in this position yourself so many times before, it felt weird somehow that this time you were the one doing the consoling and not the one needing to be consoled. 

Grant kept mumbling the words “I’m so sorry” over and over again. You had finally managed to stop the worst of the panic attack, but you knew it wasn’t over yet. He lay there next to you, his head on your chest and one arm clinging to you like it was the only thing keeping him alive. 

Tears started streaming down your face as you continued to hold your best friend. You had never seen Grant break down like this before. You knew he had been getting some hate on Twitter lately, but he had always seemed to handle it so well.

The only time he had really gone off on an internet troll was when some dude was tweeting mean things about you. He had come to your defense then, because he couldn’t stand it when someone targeted someone he loved.

But when the hate was directed toward him, he just shrugged it off. A part of you had expected something would happen eventually, but never in a million years had you thought that he would do something so drastic and selfdestructive.

“I’m sorry”, he said again, this time looking up at you through his tear-filled eyes. You gave him a small smile and used your thumb to wipe away his tears. “Shh, no need to apologize.” You said in a soft, reassuring tone. 

“You should get some sleep, hun.” You said as you started to get up, but were stopped by Grant’s hand clutching your arm. The look he gave you reminded you of that of a little kid who didn’t want his mommy to leave yet. “Will you... Stay with me, maybe?”

Your heart melted then and there, but still it broke all the same. Here he was, your best friend, the one constant you had in your life, the one who had always been there for you, day and night, whenever you needed him. 

You knew filming season 2 of The Flash had been hard on him both emotionally and physically and that he’d been struggling with keeping his and Barry’s emotions separated. But you had no idea things were this bad.

He looked at you intently, eyes pleading for you to stay. Finally getting the chance to be there for Grant for once and – let’s face it, you weren’t going to let an opportunity to have him this close to you just slip away – not wanting to leave him alone with his thoughts, you nodded and got comfortable again.

Finally, Grant seemed to be settling down a bit. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the crying, but also from the enormous quantities of alcohol he had been consuming over the past few days.

He lay his head against your chest once again, exhaustion washing over him like waves crashing in on the shore. “Go to sleep, sweety, I’ll be right here.” You said as he nodded against your chest. Grant found your hand and interlaced his fingers with yours before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying this so far. Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think!


	3. Open wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You help Grant deal with the aftermath of his actions.

During the night, you couldn’t sleep. You kept listening to his breathing, making sure he was okay. Each time his breath halted, your heart seemed to stop. You had only just now started to realize just how close you had been to losing Grant, a tear sliding down your cheek and landing in Grant’s messy brown hair.

Eventually, you did manage to get some sleep. When you woke up, Grant had rolled over to the other side of the bed and was still sleeping soundly. You decided to get up and take the dogs out for a walk. They probably hadn’t been outside in days either. 

Since it was only 4AM, you were pretty sure Grant would still be out for a couple more hours, so you decided to take the dogs back to your apartment while you got an overnight bag with some of the necessities for spending the next couple of days at Grant’s apartment.

Jett and Nora were happy to get some fresh air, so you decided to let them play for a while before heading back to Grant’s. When you arrived back at his place a few hours later, Grant was still fast asleep. You smiled as you sat down beside him, straightening out a stray lock of hair. 

You got back up, losing your balance slightly, but managing to stay upright. Still, the sudden movement had woken up Grant. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” “That’s okay”, he said, his voice sounding raspy, like he had a cold or something.

With Grant being awake now anyway, you decided to have a look at the cuts on his arms. His left arm was fine, but the bandage on his right arm was soaked with blood. As you pulled away the covers slightly, you noticed there was a significant amount of blood on the sheets as well.

“Oh my God”, Grant said as he started to panic again. He looked down at his arm and the blood-soaked sheets, the gravity of what he had done finally dawning on him. You sat down again and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him slightly.

“Grant, listen to me, okay? Are you listening?” He made eye contact with you and nodded, letting you know he was. “Do not go back to that dark place, do you understand me? You’re going to be fine. What happened, happened, okay? Nothing you can do about it anymore, except deal with it and move on with your life.”

You knew the ‘dealing with it’-part was easier said than done. Having gone through it yourself and having seen how Grant had dealt with the hate being thrown at him, you knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Nevertheless, you were going to be there for him, every step of the way.

“Keep breathing, okay? Deep breaths. Its going to be okay. I’m going to get something to clean you up. I’ll be right back.” He reached for your hand with his ‘good’ arm, afraid that if you’d leave, you’d leave for good.

You stared deep into his eyes, hoping he’d be able to see the sincerity and honesty in yours. His grip released, so you got up and got to work, just like you had the night before.

When you were done, it was time to change the sheets. Of course this meant Grant having to get out of bed for a little while. Looking at his pale face, dark circles under his eyes, his perfect lips all chapped, you knew he was in no shape to walk all the way to the living room. 

A large chair in the corner of the room caught your attention. “Okay, hunny, I need to change the sheets now, so you’re going to have to get out of the bed for a minute. Do you think you can walk?”  
He nodded and you pulled back the covers all the way. You instantly regretted asking him to get out of bed, because even just sitting up made him feel dizzy and like he would pass out.

You got on his left side and put his arm over your shoulder making sure to stear clear of the cuts, your arm around his waist and helped him stand up. When you were sure he was stable enough, you slowly led him to the chair and helped him get settled.

Moving as quickly as you could, you removed the dirty sheets and began to remake the bed. Grant watched as you worked, not saying a word. The way he had turned in on himself scared you. He just sat and watched and when you spoke to him, he would respond by a nod or a shake of his head.

Once you had finished, you walked over to Grant and helped him like you had before. Even though he was tall and lanky - and to some haters out there 'too skinny' -, he felt like he weighed a thousand pounds, too weak to carry his own weight. 

“Grant, you’re going to have to talk about it sometime. And, speaking from experience, it’s a lot easier to talk to a friend than to a psychiatrist.” He looked at you and then looked back down. “I can’t.”

You decided not to press the issue any further and figured he’d come to you when he was ready. Suddenly remembering you hadn’t eaten yet, you got up and went to the kitchen, smiling when you found a big box of your favorite cereal that Grant had bought for you after you had told him sometimes you liked to eat a big bowl of cereal while watching a movie instead of a bowl of popcorn.

Finishing your breakfast quickly, you decided to bring some food to Grant. Considering how he had been on a ‘liquid diet’ these last few days - or maybe even longer, you really didn’t know – you thought it best to just bring him a box of crackers and some juice to get his blood sugar up.

He rejected the crackers, but gratefully took the juice from you. You wanted to say something about him needing to get some food in him, but frankly, you were already happy he took the juice. You did decide to leave the crackers on his bedside table though.

You headed back to the living room, where you settled yourself on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea. You decided to give Grant some space and not hover too much. 

About 10 minutes later, Grant appeared in the door opening, holding on to the door phrame for dear life, his face looking pale as a sheet. You threw aside your book, startling Nora, and rushed over to your best friend.

Ducking under his arm, you held on to his waist and started to turn around so you could help him back to bed. “No”, Grant said, his head spinning from standing up for so long.

You looked up at him. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” This was the first time since he had woken up that he had uttered more than just 2 words. With those big, sad eyes looking down at you, you just couldn’t say no.

You helped him to the big sectional couch and got him settled. “I should take your blood pressure”, you said as you examined Grant’s pale face and sunken eyes. You went to the front door and took the portable digital device to take his blood pressure out of your bag, feeling grateful you had decided to throw it in there when you went home earlier.

He lifted up the sleeve of his shirt as you sat down beside him and allowed you to put the cuff on it. You pressed START and waited for the device to measure his blood pressure. “100 over 60, that’s a little on the low side, but not as bad as I thought it would be.”

Grant just looked into your eyes, his normally so vivid eyes looking hollow and glazed over. You smiled a reassuring smile as you wiped away a stray tear with your thumb and let your hand linger on his cheek a while longer.

He closed his eyes as he leaned in to your touch, grateful that you weren’t pushing him to talk. You stayed like that for a few minutes, until Jett came over to you, wanting to sit with his daddy.

You looked at Grant, making sure he was okay with you putting Jett on his lap. He nodded, so you leaned down, stretching your arms out to the dog. He almost jumped into your arms. “Such a good boy!”, you said as you scratched his head and Jett licked your face.

You gently set him down on Grant’s lap and he instantly settled down against his chest. Grant smiled a small smile at the display of affection from his beloved Jett and for a second there, you saw the Grant you knew and loved.

“Crap!”, you said, remembering you were supposed to go to work that day. “I’ll be right back”, you said as you opened the sliding door out onto the porch and took your phone out of your pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are loving the story so far! Make sure to leave your comments in the comment section and stay tuned for the next chapters as well as a new story, coming soon!


	4. Take care of yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking care of Grant is your #1 priority, but you can't forget about yourself!

“Hi, Angela”, you said as your boss picked up the phone. Technically, she was your boss, but she was really more of a friend than a superior. “Hey, Y/N, are you calling in sick? When you didn’t show up this morning I got worried.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s kind of a long story”, you said. “Remember how I was worried the other day that I hadn’t heard from Grant in a few days?” “Have you heard from him? Is he alright?”, she asked, genuinely concerned, knowing how you really felt about Grant.

“Not really”, you had to choke back a sob. “What happened, sweetie?” Angela replied. “He umm”, you started. “Okay, this stays between us, right?” You asked, not wanting to give away too much and then reading about it online after. Angela swore to not tell a soul.

“His brother called me yesterday, saying he hadn’t heard from Grant in over 3 days, so he asked me to swing by and check on him, since I have a key. When I got here, the whole place was trashed and there was blood all over the place.”

“Oh my God”, Angela said on the other end of the line, “Is he...?” “He has been getting a lot of hate lately and I guess he wasn’t handling it as well as he said he was.” You paused. “I found him passed out on the floor, covered in blood from falling through the coffee table.”

“Y/N, that’s horrible! Is he at the hospital?” “No, he uhh, he woke up for like 2 seconds and said he didn’t want an ambulance. I tried to patch him up as best as I could.”

“Are you with him right now?” “Yeah, that’s actually why I’m calling you, Ange”, you said. “Oh?” “He’s awake now and he seems to be out of the woods physically, but I just really don’t want to leave him alone right now.”

“Say no more, Y/N, your place is with him right now. You can’t be too careful in these cases.” Angela spoke out of experience, since she had lost a brother to depression.

“Are you sure, Ange? Because I can call his brother and have him fly out here to stay with him.” “Y/N, can I give you a word of advice? I’ve been through this with my brother. When he was like that, his family were the last people he wanted around him. From what you’ve told me, he’s in a bad place right now. He needs his best friend right now. He knows you’ve been there too, he trusts you.”

“Then why has he barely said a word ever since he woke up?” You asked, looking back through the window at Grant petting Jett. “Give him time, hun. He’ll come to you when he’s ready. And you stay with him as long as you need to, okay? We’ll be alright here. Be with the man you love right now.”

You loved that about Angela. She was always looking out for you, knowing you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on your work because of Grant. Angela knew how you felt about Grant. You had even brought him to the annual Christmas party at your job.

Angela had mentioned to you afterwards how everyone thought you and him made such a cute couple and how she didn’t understand why you weren’t together, because you basically acted like you were when you were together. 

You had to admit you had thought about it too. About how simple it would be to be with him. You had been friends for a few years now and when you were together, you’d always link arms with him.

The press had been suggesting you and Grant were a couple since some photos were released of you, Grant and Tyler at the beach. You had jumped on Grant’s back and he had carried you all the way into the water, where you started playing around in the waves like little children.

Tyler had even taken pictures of you two during the day and even though you hated to admit it, because you knew Grant didn’t feel the same way about you, you two really did look cute together.

“Y/N?”, Angela said, bringing you out of your train of thought. “Hey, it’ll happen some day”, she said, almost as if she were reading your mind. “I get that you want to take care of him and be there for him 24/7, but hunny”, Angela paused, “don’t forget to take care of yourself, okay?”

She was concerned about how you were handling all of this, understanding how hard it must be for you to see the man that had been your rock during your recovery process in this state.

“I will, Ange”, you answered, saying your goodbyes. You put your phone back in your pocket and walked back inside to Grant, asleep on the couch with Jett sleeping on his stomach. 

You decided this was the perfect time for you to hop in the shower, since you hadn’t been able to take a shower since yesterday morning. While you were in the shower, you thought about what Angela had said, how you and Grant would make a cute couple.

While the water came down on you, you let your mind wander and imagined what it would be like to actually be with Grant. You imagined waking up in the morning to him placing soft kisses all over your shoulder, to those two gorgeous eyes that always seemed to see right into your soul, staring back at you.

You quickly shook off that image, starting to feel a warmth spreading across your body. You couldn’t let yourself think of Grant in ‘that way’, especially not now that he was hurt and in such a vulnerable state.

After washing your hair and body, you stepped out of the shower and dried off. You tied your hair up in a messy bun, deciding to let it airdry. Grabbing the pair of shorts you had brought for yourself, you started to get dressed. 

When you walked out of the bathroom, you saw Grant had woken up. He was staring right at you, like he was seeing you for the first time. Noticing how he was looking you up and down, you started to feel uneasy and quickly walked over to the kitchen, grabbing yourself a soda. 

“You want something?”, you yelled back at Grant, trying to wish away the blush that had appeared on your cheeks after seeing him look at you like that. “Whatever you’re having is fine”, you heard Grant’s voice from right behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter for the day! Can't believe I have over 30 hits on here! Doesn't seem like much, but since I've only just started posting yesterday, that's amazing! Thank you!


	5. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Grant share a moment, but then his condition starts to get worse...

“Grant! You scared me. Are you okay?” You looked at his face, which had regained some of its normal color, but was still paler than normal. He nodded, even though he still looked a bit wobbly to you.

“I just realized I haven’t thanked you yet.” Grant said, taking a step closer to you. “Thank me for what?”, you asked. “For being here, for taking care of me, for not judging me.”

You rolled your eyes. Of course you were going to be there for him, he was your best friend so how could you not be? “You don’t have to thank me, Grant. You would have done the same thing for me. Hell, you HAVE done the same for me.”

He smiled, a real smile this time. That smile always did it for you. It made you feel weak in the knees. You wished you could see that smile forever. You jumped slightly when Grant walked over to you, but lost his balance and fell against the counter.

You quickly grabbed him by the waist, pushing him up against the counter so he could lean against that for support. “We should get you back to bed”, you said. “Or at least back on the couch.”

You felt Grant pulling you closer and putting his arms around you. “Can we just stand here like this for a while?”, he asked. Rendered powerless by his embrace, you nodded against his chest, resting your head right where his heart was, listening to its slow and steady beating. You swore you could feel his heart skip a beat, but you quickly disregarded that as your imagination getting the best of you.

Minutes passed, but neither of you seemed ready to let go of the other just yet. You stood there, taking in his scent and smiling like an idiot. You felt safe in Grant’s arms. Even in the state he was in right now, he had that effect on you.

Suddenly you could feel his grip loosen and you looked up to see an expression of pain wash over his face. “Grant?” You asked. “Grant, what’s happening? Are you okay?”

Acting quickly, you led him over to the couch, where he dropped down. It was like every ounce of strength in his body had been drained. He lay there, sprawled out on the couch, not even strong enough to lift his own body onto the couch and into a more comfortable position.

He looked at you with those scared eyes again, making you wish you could just kiss his pain away if he’d let you. You could clearly tell his head was hurting from the way he was clutching at it. 

You walked over to him and helped him get comfortable by lifting his legs onto the couch and arranging some pillows. Grant groaned, the pained expression on his face almost causing you physical pain from seeing him in pain like that.

“Grant, talk to me, sweetie, what’s happening?”, you asked him, your hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to focus on you. “My head”, he said, his voice sounding shaky.

When he felt you starting to get up, he reached for you and the bare skin of his arm brushed against yours. You could feel heat radiating off of it and sprung into action. Grant tried to get up to follow you, but you gently pushed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 54 hits in just 3 days! You guys are awesome! I literally thought maybe 1 person would read this story, but this is just amazing! I've been afraid to post my stories online for so long, but now I'm glad I finally did!


	6. Infection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You discover that Grant is suffering from complication due to his near-fatal decision.

At times like this you wished you had pursued your career as an emergency physician, but when an opening at your current job came up, you just had to take your chance. You were happy at your job, although you had to admit to that you missed working at the hospital, the only place that still held a true connection to your parents.

You could hear Grant groaning and breathing heavily, his condition getting worse. Working quickly, you opened up the medicine cabinet, grabbing the medication you would need and taking a washcloth off the shelf.

You turned on the faucet, soaking the washcloth in cold water after which you hurried back to the living room, where Grant was now doubled over on the couch, Jett and Nora looking at him questioningly. 

He looked at you through drooping eyelids, his eyes rolling back in their sockets every so often. You tried to get him to sit up as straight as possible and gave him the meds you had brought from the bathroom.

“Here, take these”, you said, “you’ll feel better soon.” He happily took the medication from you, desperately wanting the pain to stop. You helped him lie back down, not intending to sit down yourself, but Grant – even in his weakened state – grabbed your top and pulled you down on the couch.

With some effort, he pulled himself up on his arms, putting his head on your lap and hugging your legs. You couldn’t just leave him like this, so if having you close helped him feel better, close to him was where you would be.

You reached for the bowl of water with the washcloth in it, carefully taking it off of the table and setting it down on the floor next to you. “Please don’t leave”, you heard Grant whisper. “I’m not going anywhere, babe, I was just getting you this washcloth.”

“Why?” You could hear the medication starting to kick in as his speech was becoming slightly slurred. “Okay, so, I need you to stay calm right now, alright?” You started as Grant turned on his back so he could look at you.

You took this opportunity to put the washcloth on his forehead, a look of relief spreading across Grant’s face caused by the cool sensation of the wet fabric being pressed against his throbbing head. For some reason, your hand went straight for his hair again, your fingers brushing through his brown locks as your other hand was on Grant’s stomach, fingers interlaced with his. 

You continued: “I think the reason why you collapsed just now is because you’re experiencing withdrawals. Your body is starting to digest the alcohol and the pills you took, which is why you feel like your skull is being cracked open like a nut.”

You saw the faintest of smiles appear on Grant’s face, making you feel relieved that the Grant you knew and loved was still in there. He lifted his right arm just then, revealing yet another blood-soaked bandage.

“And I think I just found the other reason for your symptoms as well”, you said. Grant followed your gaze to the huge reddish brown stain covering the white bandage. “No, not again”, he said, starting to panic. 

You got up off of the couch and knelt down beside him so you were at eye level with him. “Grant, look at me.” No response. “Grant”, you tried again, this time putting your hand on his chest.

Your touch seemed to stir something inside of him and he came to his senses. His wild eyes looked into yours, pleading for help. “Sweetie, it’s going to be okay. This is good.” He looked at you like you were crazy. How could you possibly think this was good?

“Look, this is ‘good’, because now I know why you haven’t really been getting better yet.” He was starting to see where you were going with this. “I think your wound is infected, which is why you’re running a fever. The withdrawal symptoms were just masking the infection.”

Your soft eyes turned grave, when you realized something: you’d have to do a debridement, meaning you had to clean the wound and remove and dead tissue. You knew this was a very painful procedure and you weren’t sure you could handle hearing Grant’s piercing screams again.

“What?” Grant asked, looking straight up at you. He noticed you looking at the dressing on his arm and quickly put two and two together. “How bad is it *yawn* going to hurt *yawn*?”  
His eyelids were beginning to droop and it was becoming harder and harder for Grant to focus on your face and your voice. “Grant?” “Hmm?”, he murmured, causing you to smile a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! I'm getting close to the end of what I had written for this story so far, so I might not be posting 2 chapters each day anymore... I will be posting new stories soon, though!


	7. Slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to work on cleaning Grant's wound, hoping to stop the infection from spreading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any medical terms and actions mentioned in this chapter and in the rest of the story are based on my own research and years and years of watching hospital shows :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grant had spent many nights at your apartment and vice versa, after one of your traditional movie marathons ended with both of you falling asleep curled up against each other under a blanket.

When you would try to wake him up the next day, he would always murmur “Hmm” when you talked to him. It was his way of letting you know he was awake, but at the same time he wasn’t.

"Grant?”, you tried again, this time his eyes lazily opening and looking up at you through the fog of ever-nearing sleep. He nodded that he was listening, so you continued. “I have to clean the wound again. I mean, really clean it. It won’t feel good.” “I know you’ll be as careful as you can”, he said, his voice barely a whisper. “I could give you a light sedative, but with the meds I already gave you, I don’t want to risk it.”

You stroked his hair again. Hesitant to do so, but knowing you had to, before Grant was completely asleep, you tussled his hair. “Come on, get up”, you said, earning a grunt in return from Grant. “Grant, hunny, I need you to help me out here.” You moved your hand off of his chest, which woke him up completely. “Where are you going?”, he asked, clearly not wanting you to get up. “I was just falling asleep”, he yawned as he rubbed his eyes with both hands in the cutest way.

Feeling bad you had to do this, you knelt down beside him again. He turned his face toward you so that your noses were almost touching. You could feel his warm breath on your face, giving you butterflies. “Grant, come on”, you said as you gently laid your arm on his chest once again. “You need to get back in bed, there’s more room there and you’ll be a lot more comfortable there.” He nodded, eyes still closed, and sluggishly started to move.

You helped him get up and walked him over to his room, making sure to stand on his left side as to not do any more damage to his right arm. You put your arm around his waist and let him put his arm over your shoulder, holding his hand in place there.

When you took his hand, Grant instantly intertwined his fingers with yours, making your imagination run wild with images of you and Grant as a couple, walking along the beach as the sun set over the both of you. Shaking that out of your head, you helped him get settled without pulling the covers up over him. Instead, you pulled them all the way back, quickly placed a sheet over the mattress cover and helped Grant get in.

You got on his injured side and prepared his arm: a towel under it to keep the blood from getting into the mattress and a blue surgical sheet - which you were now very happy you had decided to throw in your overnight bag during your little trip home - on top of his arm with a hole cut right above the cut. 

Grant tried to stay awake, watching as you worked, making you feel nervous. He seemed to sense your nerves, because he lifted his good arm and reached out to you. “It’s okay. I know you don’t want to hurt me.” You could see tears glistening in his perfect green eyes. He was scared, and, being completely honest with yourself: so were you.

You had done tons of debridements back when you were an intern and you knew you were good at them. But you just never had to do something like this to anyone you knew, let alone loved. “Grant”, you started. “I have to run down to my car real quick, okay? My medical bag is still in there. If I’m going to do this, I have to do this right, like I should have done from the start. This is my fault. If I had taken better care of that wound, If I had maybe stitched it up, then you wouldn’t have gotten this infection.”

Grant just shook his head, finally overcome by sleep brought on by the strong pain relief meds you had given him earlier. “Don’t”, he said, talking about the guilt you were feeling. “Just don’t”, he breathed. You quickly got up and ran down to your car, not wanting Grant to hear the sobs escaping your lips as you left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter 7 of my story! Stay tuned for more, coming in the next few days.


	8. Operation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clearing out the infected tissue takes every ounce of skill you possess. Thankfully, Grant is in a peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this is my final chapter for this week. I'm leaving tomorrow and won't be back until Tuesday, but I will try to post the next chapter when I get back!

With your ‘weapons’ in hand you returned to Grant, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. You hated having to wake him up again, but you couldn’t just start poking around in the infected wound without giving him as much as a head’s up.

“Grant”, you said softly as you knelt down to be at his eye level. “Grant, sweetie”, you gently shook him by his shoulder. He groggily opened his eyes, nodded ‘yes’ and then was out like a light again.

“Okay, here goes”, you said as you grabbed your tools, desinfectant, gauze, bandages and everything else you would need. You started carefully unwrapping the bandage, horror stories about rotting flesh and the stench of death from your professors at school flooding your brain.

You were relieved to discover that Grant’s wound hadn’t begun to smell too bad yet and that the infection seemed to be local, meaning you would be able to clean the wound without too much trouble.

Taking a scalpel in your hand, you moved to slightly open the cut up a bit more for easier access, something they had taught you in medical school, a technique to make sure you got all of the dead tissue out in one sitting and decreasing the risk of further infections due to not being thorough enough.

You hesitated, just inches away from Grant’s arm, pulling back at the last second. “Grant, I don’t know if you can hear me, ‘cuz you seem to be fast asleep, but I’m going to give you a light sedative and also a local anesthetic in your arm. Just to be sure.”

No response. You shrugged and proceeded to inject both the sedative and the local anesthetic into Grant’s arm. Checking his pulse, blood pressure and his breathing, you made sure everything was alright before beginning again.

This time, you were more certain, more confident. You swallowed hard at the sight of Grant’s blood oozing out of his arm once again, still not quite believing you were actually still going along with his whole ‘no hospital’ thing.

It took you about 30 minutes to get the wound all cleaned up and sutured. You put a layer of gauze over the stitches and dressed the wound. After cleaning up, you quickly texted Tyler back – he had already left you 16 messages – and let him know his little brother was okay.

You got washed up and went downstairs to get rid of the trash, including Grant’s coffee table, which broke when Grant had fallen through it 5 days earlier. It took you 3 trips up and down the stairs to get rid of everything.

When you got back upstairs, you heard Grant grunting from the other room. You ran in, thinking he had hurt himself, which he kind of had: he had forgotten he was on one side of the big king instead of in the middle as usual and had rolled right out of bed when he wanted to roll over.

After laughing your ass off for about 5 straight minutes, yet still maintaining enough of your composure to make sure he hadn’t re-opened his stitches, you finally went to help him up, but he was still so groggy that you ended up on the floor next to him, unable to support his weight.

“I’m sorry”, he said quietly. Sensing that this ‘sorry’ wasn’t just a ‘sorry I knocked you on your ass’-kind of sorry, you scooted over a little, your legs on Grant’s lap. “Don’t be”, you said as you reached up and wiped away a stray hair, instantly regretting your laughing frenzy from before.

“You don’t get it”, Grant said, briefly making eye contact with you, but looking down instantly. “Then enlighten me.” You reached for his face and lifted up his chin, forcing him to look at you.

You gave him a reassuring smile. You wanted him to open up to you, but you didn’t want to push him too hard, so you waited for him to speak again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one! Don't forget to let me know what you think of the story so far!


	9. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant finally opens up to you for the first time since you found him face down in a pool of his own blood, but what he tells you, takes you completely off guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from my vacation, so here is chapter 9 to my story! I hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoy writing it :)

 

“They told me I’m too skinny.” He started, resting his arms on your legs, right arm on top as you assumed he was still in pain from the procedure. You opened your mouth to respond, but he beat you to it.

“They said I’m too skinny to be a superhero, that I’m killing a franchise that has been around for decades and that I should just kill myself.” You had heard this all before, always thinking that he didn’t care about any of it. You were sad to know that he had been struggling with this for so long and that you hadn’t even noticed the pain he was in.

“But that’s not the worst part.” He said, looking directly into your eyes for the first time since he started speaking. “People have been talking about you too.” Oh... So that’s what it was, you thought to yourself.

“They said I didn’t deserve someone like you, that you were too good for me, then other people said you were only my friend because it would put you in the spotlight too. They said you’d leave me as soon as my career ended.”

“Grant”, you started. “No, I have to be able to talk to you about this. You’ve been so open with me throughout your whole journey. I owe you the same honesty as you gave me.”

“When they told me I didn’t deserve you, something inside me just snapped. I got to thinking about it and... What if they’re right? Maybe I don’t deserve you. Maybe deep down I know I don’t deserve you and that’s why I haven’t asked you out yet.”

“Y-you were going to ask me out?” Your heart started beating out of your chest, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You shifted on the ground, taking your legs off of Grant’s lap and pulled them close to your chest, wrapping your arms around them and hugging them.

Grant continued talking. “I know you probably only see me as a friend, but... Y/N, I’ve been in love with you ever since we bumped into eachother outside of that elevator.”

Were you really hearing this? Was he really professing his love for you? The room started spinning and you felt like all the air had been sucked out of you. You had to get out of there.

Without a word, you jumped to your feet and you left the room, locking yourself in the bathroom. You didn’t need to look around to know that Grant had gotten up as well and was coming after you.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Grant’s voice sounded weak, yet strong at the same time. “Y/N, please let me in. We need to talk about this.” You didn’t open the door. “Please”, he said, his voice sounding sad and desperate.

Finally, you turned the lock on the door and sat down on the floor with your back against the wall. Grant came in, relief shining through in all of his features when he saw you weren’t hurt or sick or anything.

As he sat down next to you, you scooted away slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But he did. He always noticed everything: when you were sick, when you were sad, when you were having a breakdown and when you were upset.

He sat there and looked at you. His eyes scanning your face for any sign as to what was bothering you. When he made the connection between his expression of love for you and your sudden change in demeanor, his face fell.

You saw the sadness in his eyes. You had to look away; seeing how bad you made him feel, you felt horrible for running away like that. “You took me by surprise”, you said, breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he said, his eyes glistening with the tears that were threatening to spill over. Tears had formed in your eyes as well. You wanted nothing more than to take his face in your hands and press your lips against his, kissing away all the pain.

“Grant, don’t”, you said, taking his hand in yours and resting it on your lap. “Look, I have to be honest with you. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say those words to me.” Grant looked at you, his eyes still filled with tears, but also with a glimmer of hope.

“But...” You said, watching the hope fade away as soon as it came. “Grant...” You took a deep breath. “You’ve been through so much lately. It wouldn’t be fair of me to act on my feelings for you while you’re in this state.”

You could see Grant getting angry. He pulled his hand away and stood up, towering over you in a way that slightly scared you. “Stop treating me like I’m broken! I fucked up, yes and I’m going to have to live with what I did for the rest of my life.”

Grant’s whole body started to tremble with anger. “I did something stupid in a moment of weakness. I wasn’t thinking straight.” His breathing was getting more rapid, his hands were shaking and his face had turned red.

“Grant, calm down”, you said, shifting so you were now sitting on your knees, ready to catch Grant if needed. “I am calm! I have wanted to be with you ever since I ran into you at the hospital. I am not crazy or depressed. I know perfectly well what I’m saying. And what I’m saying, is...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for more!


	10. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when you and Grant both finally own up to your feelings for one another?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next part to my story! It's so nice to see your great comments and that you all like my story :) Which is why I have an announcement: you've asked for more stories that have the same tone and feel as this one, and I will give them to you! :) The next story I will be posting is called Echoes Of The Past! 
> 
> Will probably be posting the first chapter here today, so be sure to check back in later!

Grant suddenly felt very lightheaded. His eyes were rolling back in their sockets and his knees were threatening to give way. He started falling, but you were there in a heartbeat, catching him before he hit the ground.

You set him down gently, both of you sitting on your knees, your arms around him, faces only inches away from each other. “I might not have been thinking straight when I did what I did”, Grant said weakly, “but there’s one thing I’ve never been confused about.”

He looked into your eyes, a single tear sliding down his cheek. You were crying by now, staring into his eyes, which were now a shade of green mixed with brown. Even glistening with tears, his eyes were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen in your life.

“I love you”, he said in his velvety voice. “I always have and I always will.” “I love you too”, you said, smiling through your tears and finally being able to do what you had always wanted to.

You put both your hands on his face and leaned in to kiss his lips, which were actually even softer than they looked. They were like velvet, molding perfectly with yours. Grant pulled you in even closer, deepening the kiss.

When you both finally had to come up for air, you locked eyes and both started laughing at the sight of each other. There you both were, on the bathroom floor, tear stains all over your faces, smiling like idiots now that you had finally confessed your love for one another.

“Why don’t we get off this floor?”, you asked, reaching up to wipe his hair out of his face. “I love when you do that”, he said, putting his hand over yours, which was still lingering on his cheek, and closing his eyes. “Me too”, you said out loud for the first time ever.

You both started getting up, his left arm draped over your shoulder and your arm wrapped tightly around his waist. You walked him back to his room, arm still protectively around his waist, your left hand placed against his chest.

Grateful to feel the soft mattress under his body, Grant started to relax a bit. Nora and Jett were both asleep at the foot of the bed and you figured Grant would want some sleep too.

You began to let go of Grant, but he pulled you along with him as he lay down on the bed. “What are you doing?”, you asked, unable to stop smiling. How easy it felt to be with Grant in this way caught you by surprise. Being able to hold his hand, to touch him, to caress his face without having to worry about your secret coming out. It was like a dream.

He was lying there, his hand still holding yours, his eyes never leaving your face. He smiled one of those smiles that always made you feel tingly inside. You lay down next to him, resting your head against his chest.

Grant put his left arm around you and held your hand, which was draped over his stomach, with the right. Seeing the white bandage around his arm, you were reminded of the reason why you had finally confessed your true feelings for one another.

You shuddered as images of Grant’s pale, lifeless body lying in a puddle of his own blood came rushing back to you. He could feel you hugging him a little tighter, noticing your discomfort.

“Babe?” he asked, his voice sounding as beautiful as ever, “Are you okay?” Hearing him call you babe made your heart skip a beat, but you were still unable to shake off the images of that night.

“I thought you were dead.” You said without looking up at Grant. “I know. I’m so sorry you had to see that. I never wanted you to have to go through that again.” You sat up, leaving Grant – and yourself, for that matter – feeling very lonely all of the sudden, even though you were still in the same bed together.

“It’s not even about that, Grant.” He sat up, his back against the head board. Looking at you with those hypnotizing eyes of his made it even harder for you to tell him this. “Look, I know we’re only just starting to explore whatever this is between us.”

You took his hand in yours and squeezed it lightly. “Do you feel that?” “Yes, of course I do”, he answered. “But what does that have to do with...” You interrupted him: “I did this. That day. When you were unconscious and I had to clean your wounds and change your clothes. I squeezed your hand, begging you to come back to me. But you didn’t respond.”

He looked at you questioningly. “After I had my first relapse, you were the one who made me promise to never leave you. You were the one who always talked me down from every ledge. The one who never let me give up on myself.”

“You’ve been so kind to me. You’ve never judged me for one second. No matter what, you would always support me. You would always tell me “you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone who’s got your back, no matter what”. And when I finally confided in you, you said you were honored that I would trust you like that.”

You had gotten up off of the bed and were now pacing in front of the bed. Nora and Jett had woken up and were watching you intently. Grant was still on the bed, clearly hurt by your words, but still he let you speak.

“When Tyler called me, I completely lost it. I stormed out of my apartment so fast. When you didn’t pick up your phone, I just knew something wasn’t right. You never missed a call ever since...” Grant finished your sentence for you: “The accident.”

You nodded. “When I opened the door and saw you lying on the floor facedown in a pool of your own blood...” You paused. “My heart just stopped.” You finally made eye contact with Grant again.

“I thought I’d lost you, Grant. You told me you didn’t want an ambulance and I listened. But you could have died! Why didn’t you just talk to me? I mean, did you even care about the promise we made to each other? Didn’t you think, that after everything you’ve done for me every time I was in a bad place, I would have done the exact same thing for you?”

You broke down then and there. The events from the past few days had finally caught up to you, the tears that you hadn’t realized you had been holding in finally flowing freely.


	11. Hold Me In Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of your feelings come rushing down on you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of posting the past few days! Will try to post new chapters once a week. School has started again and since I'm a senior in college, my schedule is insane this year... But hope you enjoy!

Grant stood up and walked over to you. Jett was nuzzling your hand, trying to make you feel better, when suddenly you felt two strong arms wrap around you from behind.

Instantly feeling your whole body relax under Grant’s touch, you turned around in his arms and buried your head in his chest and hugged him back. Your hands clawing at his shirt, you let it all out.

“Baby”, he said, “I am so sorry I put you through that. I don’t know what came over me. I know I should have called you.” You shook your head against his chest. “Stop”, you said, looking up at him through watery eyes. “I’m sorry I went off on you like that just now.”

“It’s okay, I deserved it.” Grant said as he wiped away your tears with his thumbs. “No, you didn’t, Grant. I’ve been holding it all in, because I didn’t want to break down when you needed me the most.”

“I guess I’m only just starting to realize how badly this all could have ended because of my decision to not call an ambulance.” “I didn’t want to go to a hospital, where they’d try and patch me up and then send me to the psych ward and have psychiatrists talk me to death, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.”

You looked back down, remembering how you had felt when you had gone through the whole process. You could understand very well that Grant didn’t want to go through that, especially because of his being a celebrity and everything.

What he said next, surprised you. “It wasn’t because I was afraid of this getting out to the media, or because I was afraid the network would fire me from the show.” He paused and lifted your face with his fingertips.

“I didn’t want an ambulance because there is not one person in this entire universe I trust more than you. I knew I’d be okay, as long as I had you. I’ll always be okay, as long as you’re right here next to me.”

You couldn’t help but smile. You stood on your tippy toes and put your hand on Grant’s neck, pulling him closer to you. Your lips met and it felt like the world around the two of you just disappeared.

His hands were on your waist as he pulled you in closer, completely closing the distance between you. Your hand traveled up to his hair, causing a small giggle to erupt from Grant.

“That’s my favorite sound in the whole world”, you said as you broke the kiss, only to start kissing him again right away. You moved closer to the bed and sat down on the edge, which had been occupied by Grant’s beloved pooches until then, and pulled him down with you, your lips remaining locked on his.

In that moment, you and Grant had never felt closer than you did right then and there. His wounds were healing and now, thanks to you, so was his heart.


	12. Ease The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You help Grant get cleaned up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 12! Sorry for the long wait!

When he tried putting his weight on his right arm, he let out a cry of pain. You quickly flipped the both of you over so that you were on top of him. You moved off of him and knelt down next to him, only half of his body on the bed and his legs still sort of dangling off the foot of the bed.

Carefully taking his right arm, you removed the bandage and examined the stitches. Grant looked over at his arm, noticing the expertly placed stitches in his arm, somehow making the wound look a lot less bad that he knew it had been.

“You did a great job, babe”, he smiled as he squeezed your side with his left hand. You redressed the wound again and helped him sit up. “So what do you say we get you freshened up a bit?”, you asked as you stood in front of him, swinging your linked hands back and forth softly.

“Yeah, I could do with some soap and water right about now”, he said as he sniffed himself and made a fake disgusted face. “Pssh, yeah I didn’t wanna say anything, but..”, you laughed as you walked hand in hand toward the bathroom, grabbing a chair from the corner as you walked along.

You placed the chair in front of the sink and let Grant take a seat while you gathered some towels, a washcloth, some shower gel and a bottle of shampoo. Grant just sat there and watched you work, his eyes wandering down to your butt every so often.

He thought you hadn’t noticed, but you did. You couldn’t help but smile; you couldn’t believe that even with everything that he was going through right now, he was still his old goofy self.

At the same time you felt a bit weird, because for years you had been in love with him and now that you know he actually liked you back, it almost felt like a dream. No one had ever looked at you the way you caught Grant looking at you right now and you certainly wouldn’t have thought that, when it did happen, that person would be Grant.

Arranging everything you would need, you filled the sink with warm water and put the washcloth in it. Grant watched you intently as you moved closer to him and reached down to the hem of his shirt.

Taking advantage of the proximity of his face inches away from yours, you kissed him on the lips, teasing him to think he was finally going to see some action. The grin on his face grew even wider, especially when you started lifting his shirt up over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on a school trip Monday-Friday next week, so I won't be able to post anything. I'm trying to get a few more chapters up before I leave though :) Enjoy!


	13. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from my school trip and here with a new chapter! Will try to update again this week, but I'm in the middle of writing more chapters, so I might wait until I'm done with that. In the meantime I hope you enjoy this one!

Grant grabbed you by the waist and pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him now. He looked into your eyes with a look you had never seen from him before.

In those gorgeous green eyes of his was a fire you didn’t recognize. They were full of lust, full of love. You couldn’t believe this was real: Thomas Grant Gustin, your best whom you had secretly been in love with since day one, wanted YOU.

You saw his lips part slightly, sending you over the edge. The fire that had been building inside of you, much like it had with Grant, took you over completely. You leaned into him, your lips crashing down on his, your fingertips grazing his toned chest as they made their way into his hair.

You could feel Grant smile into the kiss and you couldn’t help but do the same. His hands were on your back, lifting up your shirt and trailing up and down your bare skin.

“Babe”, you said as you reluctantly broke the kiss. You wanted this, him, more than anything in the world, but you had only just started to explore your feelings for one another. It just didn’t feel right.

“Maybe we should take it slow”, you looked at him, almost ashamed. He looked at you questioningly, wondering if it was something he had said or done. “No, it’s not you, babe. It’s me. This is all just moving a bit too fast for me”, you said, as if you could sense Grant was blaming himself.

You could see the sadness in his eyes. It broke your heart into about a million little pieces, but you knew it was the right decision. You wanted your first time with Grant to be special.

“I want it to be special, Grant”, you started again. “I’ve been wanting this to happen for so long.” You put your hands on his cheeks, smiling while choking back a few tears.

“And I know that once we start, I won’t be able to stop.” He gave you a devilish smile, which disappeared instantly when he went to wrap his arms around you, bumping his freshly-stitched arm against you.

“Motherfucker”, he grunted. You got up off of his lap. “See, this is what I mean. If and when we do this, I want to do it right. I don’t want to have to be careful around you.

You stepped in between his legs and once again put your hands on his cheeks. “I want to be able to really be with you, the way I know we both want to. So please, for me, can we please take it slow? At least until your arm has healed, because a girl can only wait so long to get her hands on you”, you said making hand gestures towards his toned body, trying to lighten the mood.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think of the story so far! Where would you like to see it go? Feel free to tell me in the comment section! :)


	14. Heat Of The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, waiting is harder than you thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!! To kick off 2017, here's a new chapter of Fix You!

You sighed in relief when you saw Grant give you that sideways smile of his you loved so much. “Now let’s get you cleaned up a bit”, you say, turning your attention back to the task at hand.

Grant’s body relaxed the second the cool, wet fabric of the washcloth made contact with his skin. You started by just holding it to the back of his neck, to cool him off.

After running the wet washcloth all over his chest and abdomen, you grabbed the shower gel and began lathering his body with it. Every now and again, a small moan would escape Grant’s luscious lips and you had to admit, there was something semi-erotic about helping Grant wash up.

The way his body would twitch ever so slightly the closer you got to the hem of his boxers, the way his lips slightly parted when you would lean in closely to do his back… It all made your head spin with possible scenarios of what it would be like to be intimate with him.

You imagined what his body would feel like against yours, you imagined his hands and lips exploring every inch of your body, his warm breath in your neck and your hands tangled up in his hair.

Startled by your own thoughts, you stepped back, taking a deep breath. Grant looked at you, clearly already missing the closeness between the two of you. As if he could sense what you were thinking, he reached for your hand and gave it a slight squeeze.

You were beginning to think you wouldn’t be able to follow through with your decision. Something about Grant’s naked torso just seemed to light a fire inside of you, unlike anything you had ever felt before.

As if reading your mind, Grant spoke: “I want this to happen too, babe. Trust me, I do”, he said as he nervously glanced down. Following his gaze, you smiled wide when you noticed he wasn’t lying about wanting you.

You leaned down and pressed your lips against his, sitting on his lap again. You could feel him against your inner thighs and couldn’t help but giggle at feeling a significantly sized erection through his boxers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to have kept you guys waiting for so long, I hope you're still reading and liking the story. My New Year's Resolution this year is to be better with posting new chapters to my stories :)


	15. Hot Blooded

“I never thought I could have that effect on anyone”, you said as you trailed your fingers down his chest and abs, stopping at the hem of his boxers. You could hear Grant’s breath hitch in his throat as you gently let your fingers graze the fabric of his boxers.

“Don’t tease me”, he breathed, his lips never fully leaving yours. “I only have so much self control.” You decided his statement applied to you as well, seeing how you were starting to feel an unfamiliar heat radiating from your core.

“Let’s finish getting you washed up then and put some more clothes on you, because those abs of yours are so fucking distracting”, you laughed as you got up and continued your work.

Leaving Grant to put on a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of pajama bottoms, you went to the kitchen sink and splashed some cold water into your face.

“Okay, Y/N, get it together. You’ve been fine being around him for years, you can hold on a little bit longer.” Taking a few deep breaths, you went back to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Grant?”, you asked, imagining him on the other side, naked. “Am I good to come in yet?” “Uh”, he replied, causing you to grow worried. “Are you okay?” You heard him scramble inside before opening the door.

He was in his pajama bottoms, shirt still off, because you were going to wash his hair too. He was holding a towel in front of his midsection, instantly making you understand his discomfort.

“I guess you really do have an effect on me”, he said sheepishly. He looked at you apologetically, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable just because he couldn’t control himself.

“Don’t worry about it, babe”, you said, walking back in. “Let’s just say I’m lucky that my “excitement” is less obvious to the naked eye”, you winked. This whole situation felt so weird, yet so good at the same time.


	16. Keeping Up With...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Certain things you just... need to keep up with.

“I like finally being able to tell you how I feel”, Grant said, taking the words right out of your mouth. You just smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. Before you got completely lost in thought again, you got back to work.

Grant was sat in front of the sink, his head hanging over the edge. You grabbed a cup and wet his hair before lathering it with shampoo. You massaged his scalp, watching him sit there, his eyes fully closed.

“You know you’re not making this any easier for me what with the massaging my scalp and everything. Not complaining about your boob against my shoulder though”, he laughed, causing you to slap him across the chest.

“Ouch”, he whined, pretending to grab his chest in agony. “Don’t be such a baby”, you said as you started rinsing the shampoo out of his brown locks. Once you were done with that, you grabbed the towel off of Grant’s lap and started towel drying his hair.

“There you go”, you said as Grant sat up and opened his eyes just in time to see the towel you had thrown at him right when it hit him in the face. “Mean”, he grumbled, making his best pouty face as he took the towel and threw it on the floor.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a certain family I need to go keep up with”, you said as you sauntered off into the living room and set the TV to the E! Channel. Grant plopped down next to you, laying his head in your lap like he did before.

It had been ages since you and Grant had gotten the chance to sit together and watch The Kardashians, your and his guilty pleasure TV show. You were never really into reality TV, but for some reason you just couldn’t stop watching that show.

At first, Grant would always fight you over the remote, not wanting to watch the show. But after a few nights of fighting you – and losing – he finally got into watching it and would always join you in your colorful commentary of the events in that day’s episode.

Pretty soon, you could hear Grant’s breathing slow down: he was sleeping. The events of the day must have finally caught up to him. You reached to the side and pulled a blanket over him, tucking him in.

Jett and Nora were to your right, with Jett snoring away. You could have sworn you saw Nora rolling her eyes at him before she too got settled and drifted off to sleep. Your fingers were combing through Grant’s hair as he slept peacefully, his head still in your lap, while you silently hummed Coldplay’s Fix You to him.

You smiled down at him, thanking every deity you could possibly think of for not only putting him in your life, but for keeping him there as well. Replaying your little makeout session from before in your head, you too drifted off into a welcome slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I am so sorry for being AWOL for so long! I've just spent an entire month studying and taking exams. Next week I start my internship, so hopefully I'll have some more time to keep my stories updated. Thanks for sticking with me!


	17. Let Me Be Your Guiding Light

The next day, you woke up to find Jett snoring on your lap and Nora curled up at your feet that had somehow ended up on the couch. You looked around to find that Grant was nowhere to be seen.

A loud bang and a not so subtle cry of irritation came from the kitchen and you instantly knew where he was. Gently lifting Jett off of your lap, you got up and went to assess the damage.

Grant was making pancakes, but had forgotten about his injured arm – you had given him a pretty strong pain killer before he had fallen asleep – and ended up dropping the skillet and its contents on the floor.

You knelt down beside him and started picking up the now ruined pancake. “This was supposed to be a surprise”, he said, clearly disappointed. He sat down, leaning against the counter. You quickly cleaned up the grease stain from the floor and sat down next to Grant.

“Hey, handsome”, you said, gently nudging his shoulder. “That was really sweet of you, making me breakfast like that.” He shrugged. “I messed up. I can’t do anything with this damn arm. Those people were right. I am a failure.

At this point, you’d had enough. You hated when he belittled himself like that, when he refused to see himself as the amazing man that he was. “Grant, enough”, you said as you stood up, reaching out your hand to help him up.

You led him to the couch, sitting next to him, his hand firmly lodged in both of yours. He looked at you with sad eyes as you spoke. “You are not a failure, do you hear me? You are a wonderful man and I love you just the way you are.”

He looked down at his hand still firmly lodged between both of your hands and sighed. “Look, you just went through something extremely traumatic. It’s only been a week. You nearly died, Grant. Near-death experiences do tend to take it out of you.”

Grant’s flawless features were slightly overshadowed by the utter look of sadness and defeat on his face. You could feel your heart break for him when you saw the single tear rolling down his cheek and landing on his perfect lips.

You let go of his hand and wiped the tear away with your thumb. “Grant”, you said, trying to get him to look you in the eye. When he finally did, you were at a loss for words. His otherwise so vibrant eyes were so sad that it made your heart sink.

Not knowing what else to do, you scooted over and onto Grant’s lap, once again straddling him. Only this time your mind didn’t wander to fantasizing about making love to Grant, all you wanted was to take his pain away.

You hugged him as hard as you could without hurting him, feeling him relax against your shoulder immediately. Finally, he let the tears that he had been holding in for so long flow freely.

As he sobbed into your shoulder, you stroked his hair, shushing him. You could feel his hands gripping at your shirt, pulling on it like he was afraid that, if he would let go, you’d be gone too.


	18. Man In The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need a helping hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of posting! Here's chapter 18 of Fix You :)

“Grant, listen to me”, you said, finally having found the strength to actually speak. “I know this is hard for you to accept, but you have to give your body the time it needs to heal. Now, these wounds will be all healed in a matter of weeks, but this, – you put your hand over his heart – this will take time. It may take months, it may take years, it may never fully heal at all.”

He looked down at the space in between your bodies, but you wouldn’t let him avert his eyes, not when what you were saying was so important. “But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you keep on going.”

You put your hand on his cheek, tracing your finger along his light stubble. “You keep fighting, every day. Those haters don’t get to see you defeated like this. Because you can’t give them the pleasure of knowing that they got to you.”

Another tear rolled down Grant’s cheek. Once again, you wiped it away with your thumb. “I know it’s not easy. And I know you probably think that I don’t know what it’s like, but trust me, I do.”

“I know what it’s like to have your spirit broken by people who feel the need to make others feel less than. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and to see every goddamn flaw that they see. And to actually start believing they might be right.”

You were into it now, feeling a fire in the pit of your stomach. The fire that you felt when you first stood up to your bullies, when you faced your fears head-on and walked away feeling more free than you ever had before.

“But they’re not, do you hear me? You’re the one who taught me that. You’re the one who taught me to see the beauty in myself, the one who, just by loving me, made me love myself as well.”

You stood up off of his lap and held out your hand in front of you for Grant to take. “Come with me”, you said as he nervously took your hand and followed you over to the floor length mirror in the apartment.

“Tell me what you see”, you said firmly, standing beside Grant, holding his hand as you both watched your reflections in the large mirror. “I see a failure”, he said, his voice cracking.

“Tell me what you see”, you said again, this time pulling on his hand a bit and gesturing him to look at himself. “Why are you doing this?”, he asked, wanting to walk away and disappear into his room forever.

“Tell me. What. You. See.” You said again, this time emphasizing your words even more so that you would be sure he’d get the message. “I see…”, he started. You gave him an encouraging nod.

“I see a tall, skinny dude with bandages on his arms. I know it’s me, but I don’t even recognize the guy I’m looking at. How can I still look like me, but at the same time feel as far from myself as I possibly could?”

Good. He was talking, which meant you had an in now. You intervened before he got a chance to talk down on himself even more. “Okay, good, but not what I was referring to.”

Grant gave you a confused look, so you decided to enlighten him. “Look again. What do you see? And I don’t mean just what you see about yourself. Look harder.” He sighed. “I see you”, he said eventually.

“Yes, good. And where am I?” “You’re right next to me.” You smiled at his reflection in the mirror. “That’s right. I’m right here next to you. And I will be right next to you every step of the way. I will make you see the wonderful man that we all see when we look at you, even if you don’t think he’s in there right now.”

You turned to face him, placing your hands on his chest. “I don’t care if it takes my whole life to do it, but I swear that I will do everything in my power to make you feel loved. To help you stay grounded when people are being complete dicks again just because they hate their own lives and want to ruin someone else’s just to get some kind of satisfaction.”

The fire inside of you kept growing and you continued speaking with a passion and a fight that you never even knew you had in you. “I will spend my whole life telling you just how amazing and talented and funny and smart and beautiful you are, even when you’re so tired of hearing it that it makes you want to eat your own hair.”

Grant chuckled, making your heart skip a beat. “I promise you right now, Thomas Grant Gustin, that you will not go a day in your life without being reminded how loved you are. How much your friends and family love you and need you in their lives.”


End file.
